What to Say to Someone Who is Struggling Emotionally

When someone close to us is struggling emotionally, our first impulse is often to try to fix their pain or offer solutions. But what if the most effective way to support them is not through offering solutions but by providing a safe space where they feel seen, heard, and supported? This article, drawing from a heartfelt conversation between MRA faculty members Michelle and Taryn, explores the profound impact of simply being present and offers guidance on what to say to someone who is navigating emotional hardships.

Understanding the Power of Presence

The art of supporting someone emotionally begins with presence—being completely attentive to the other person without the urge to fix their situation. When we sit with someone in their pain without trying to change it, we honor their experience as valid and real. It’s about acknowledging their feelings without overlaying our judgments or solutions. This approach can create a space for healing and understanding that solutions alone cannot achieve.

Recognizing Emotional Projection and Transfer

Sometimes, what is expressed outwardly by someone may not entirely be about the current situation but might be an accumulation of unresolved feelings. Recognizing this can change how we respond. Instead of taking things personally or trying to resolve the underlying issues immediately, providing a non-judgmental space where they can unravel these emotions at their own pace is crucial.

The First Response: Holding Space

Holding space means accepting someone just as they are, acknowledging their feelings without rushing to alter them. This can be challenging because it requires patience and the ability to embrace discomfort. When someone shares their emotional struggles, resist the impulse to immediately offer advice or interject with your experiences. Instead, respond with affirmations that show you are listening and that you respect their feelings, such as “I hear you” or “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

Communicating Empathy and Understanding

Empathy involves more than understanding someone’s feelings. It’s about sharing them, showing that you can connect with what they’re going through on a deeper level. You might say, “It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time,” or “I can’t imagine how hard that must be, but I’m here for you.” These kinds of responses validate their emotional experience and convey that they’re not alone.

Encouraging Expression, Not Suppression

Encouraging someone to express their emotions fully can be transformative. Ask open-ended questions that invite them to explore their feelings more deeply, such as “What’s weighing on you the most right now?” or “What do you need to talk about the most?” These questions show that you’re engaged and committed to understanding their perspective, not just placating them.

Reflecting and Validating Feelings

Validation can be a powerful tool in helping someone feel supported. Reflect what they’ve said to show you understand, and validate their feelings as normal and understandable. For instance, you might say, “It makes sense you’d feel that way given what you’ve been through,” or “Anyone in your situation would feel overwhelmed.”

Offering Support Without Overpowering

When offering support, it’s important to gauge how much involvement the other person wants. You can ask, “How can I support you right now?” or “Would you like me to help with anything?” This allows them to direct how they want to be supported and ensures that your help is in line with their needs.

Being There Over the Long Haul

Emotional struggles don’t disappear overnight. Let them know you’re there for the long term—not just in the moment but as they navigate their path to healing. Simple statements like “I’m here for you, whenever you need to talk” can make all the difference.

Conclusion: The Simplicity of Being Present

Often, the best thing to say to someone who is struggling emotionally is less about the perfect words and more about the presence and empathy you bring into the conversation. By listening actively, validating their feelings, and offering your presence, you provide a kind of support that goes beyond words. This approach not only respects their experience but also fosters a deeper connection, allowing them to feel truly supported and understood.